I was lying on an operating table in a foreign hospital. I had just been escorted through the OR and was horrified to see all the doors open and various procedures happening before my eyes. What I am now told was iodine stains splattered on the floor looked like blood to the untrained eye, and all the unconscious people just looked dead. Yeah, I was freaking out! I knew it was a simple procedure that was about to happen, but my mind went into anxiety over-drive anyway.
In that moment, all I could do was pray. I asked God to be with me and to calm my crazy thoughts. And then, I fell asleep. I woke up on the other side, alone in a recovery room and in a total panic. I had been intubated during my surgery, and my throat was raw and sore. No one had warned me about that. Again, I found myself praying because I was helpless to do anything else.
I think back on one our first Saturdays at church here when the devastating earthquake of 2015 hit. We were at church and followed the frenzied crowd as far as we could. We ended up huddled in a bathroom doorway with other national believers. We wrapped our arms around each other and did the only thing we could do — pray.
In these scenarios, we were completely helpless to do anything to relieve the terror of the circumstances at hand. We had no control over the outcome and did not even have the option to run away! When we feel helpless, we do the only thing we can do. In daily life, though, prayer is not my most and first-utilized tool. How often do I let my worries run wild, consult with Google, tell a friend or vent in my journal before I hand it all over to God? I’m sorry to say this is often the case.
I buy the lie that I am in control of the day-to-day. That God is not interested and will not intervene in my life and its minuscule concerns. So, I try to manage it all on my own — without prayer. The reality is, my helplessness serves me. My helplessness causes me to cry out to God. The circumstances that cause me to feel helpless are exactly what I need. It’s just a shame I forget so easily.
I need to be needy. Every day, I need to realize my utter helplessness without God. And every day, I must put all my anxieties in His hands admitting my complete inability to control the circumstances of my life. I surrender and submit to His infinite wisdom in prayer. These “I need you” prayers need to happy every day even as I rise.
I need the peace only God can provide when I’m lying in my warm bed just as much as when I’m lying on an operating table. I need His provision just as much today as the infamous day of the earthquake. I just need Him, and I plan to tell Him that.
I “make” God big in my life when I daily come to Him in prayer admitting my dependence on Him for each day.
Have you admitted your need of God in prayer today?
Talk to me in the comment section below!
I can identifh with you!!
Thanks for sharing that with me, Helen.
Prayer is such a powerful gift.
Indeed, Tara. Praise God!
It scares me to even say (write) it – but, yes, I need to be needy. Often. Daily. Otherwise, how quickly do I become confident in my own abilities. Great reminder today – glad I checked in:)
It’s even scarier to pray that God would make you confront your need of Him! But it is so right to do so. Thanks for your comment, Jennifer.