Tag: trust

Making God Big in my Small Moments [Day 25: MOMENT]

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An enduring temptation

There’s a heavy temptation to make each moment count. Not only that, we feel like we need to make those moments BIG. In life or ministry, we feel this immense pressure to always be on — always performing at top ability in order to see the results we wish for. I’ve fallen for this so many times in marriage, motherhood, and missional living. I think if I do grand enough gestures, I will earn favor with my husband. If I yield the rod of discipline and drill the Bible into my kids, they will behave like I want them to. And if I badger my friends and acquaintances with the Gospel message, they will finally see their need for a Savior.

But I’ve gotten this so wrong. I am not the secret formula in any of these areas I strive to succeed in, and big isn’t always better. Rather than putting the world’s message in my pocket, I want to take Gospel truths to heart. Rather than making my moments big in my life, I want to make God big in my moments.

Photo by Kelly Rockhold Photography

The reality I don’t want to accept that comes with this is, often, in order to make God big in my moments, I have to make myself small. The apostle Paul was a reputable model for this type of mindset. Instead of seeking the respect of those he worked with or served in ministry like some hot-shot celebrity pastor, He compares his position to a nursing mother in 1 Thessalonians.

Nor of men sought we glory, neither of you, nor yet of others, when we might have been burdensome, as the apostles of Christ. But we were gentle among you, even as a nurse cherishes her children: So being affectionately desirous of you, we were willing to have imparted to you, not the gospel of God only, but also our own souls, because you were dear to us.

1 Thessalonians 2:6-7.

A small life surrendered to a big God

Think of the great works God did through the apostle Paul. He was surrendered wholly to the Lord, humble and dedicated in service to Him. He was not after the glory of men but the heart of the Father. We know He wanted results, and God gave Him big dreams. But we can see in his life that He did not stress over making each moment big but gave attention to making God big in each moment. Making tents, proclaiming a coming messiah, or writing letters from prison, Paul was available for God’s use in any way the Lord saw fit. He humbly walked the roads that led to Gospel-needy people and patiently instructed new believers in the way of the Lord. Gently leading, loving, and teaching as Paul did may not earn me any accolades, but it certainly pleases the Father.

Gently leading, loving, and teaching may not win accolades, but it pleases the Father.

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A challenge to make God big in my moments

I remember being a nursing mother and how small and forgotten it could feel sometimes in the back of a dark nursery or in a broom closet while we were raising support. So much of our daily service to God each day is done in secret places. No one may know what we do for God in the quiet corners of our lives and ministries. But rather than seeking to upgrade our service by making each moment BIG, we must give our hearts to the daily task of making God BIG in each and every moment.

This is my goal going forward in marriage, motherhood, and missional living. It’s not all on me — it’s all in His hands. He is BIG enough to use little old me and meet each of my needs along the way.

I “make” God big in my life by allowing Him to be big in my moments.  I don’t seek to show off or win in areas of my life in my own strength but wholly depend on God for His provision.

How can you make God big in your moments today?

Talk to me in the comment section below!

He Wants My Heart [Day 25: CAPTURE]

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I’m not sure what I thought would happen when we moved to the mission field or stated a church. I guess all the talking about big dreaming and doing great things had wrapped up my soul in delusions and fantasies. When reality hit that life here is just like life anywhere else — work, struggle, joy, and pain — I felt a nagging sense of disillusionment. Wasn’t I supposed to feel more on fire for God than ever before? Shouldn’t we be well on our way to building a ministry that will knock our supporters’ socks off? Life looked more like mundane faithfulness as we gave ourselves to a language that didn’t seem to stick, trained toddlers who seemed allergic to obedience, and made a life in what felt like an unlivable place at the time.

I may have had expectations about our beginnings on the field. I may not have anticipated the growing pains and the disappointment that were waiting here to greet me in Arrivals next to tourists who would have their fun and go home. But God didn’t have expectations of me — because He knows me. He knew what I would face and how I would handle it, and it did not shock Him. He knew it would take me way too long to understand the things He was teaching me, but He would remain patient in His teaching.

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What I didn’t realize then is that God was — and is — interested first in capturing my heart. Personal and ministry growth will happen as I give myself back to God in passionate pursuit of His heart. Once I realize truly how much He loves me and how much He desires my true devotion, it is my great joy and honor to throw all I’ve got at His holy feet.

These days, I am more involved in seeking the heart of Jesus than I have ever been in my life. This doesn’t mean I am not concerned with the things of life like serving my family, keeping a home, and participating in ministry. But it does mean that I do all those things differently. I do them considering first that I am loved and accepted as I am. Remembering that I am engaged in a thrilling romance with a partner who can’t be displeased. My heart is wholly captured, and my purest and truest response is to serve from the deepest places that love fills.

I’ll never be disappointed or disillusioned by my intimacy with Christ. Life and ministry will have their joyous victories and their crushing defeats, but Jesus plays only one note. He just plain loves me. Before cross-cultural commitments, ministry engagements, or family mission statements, He wants my heart.

I finally know Him well enough to gladly give it to Him.

I “make” God big in my life when I first seek His heart and a relationship with Him before trying to change the world for Him. He really just wants my heart!

What has drawn your heart away from seeking Christ?

Talk to me in the comment section below!

Waiting Well when God Pauses My Plans [Day 17: PAUSE]

#Write31Days / Misc. / Missional Living2 Comments

“How’s it looking at the camp?” I ask my husband again after visiting the property.

“Same old, same old.” Still no change.

God gave us a dream to start a camp, and then he provided the money to buy property and begin building a building on it. The process started a few years ago, and we really thought the first phase would be done by now. Various holdups and letdowns have occurred along the way. We were always told things would speed up after rainy season or after we got some sort of approval. Rainy season came and went without much progress and rejections came more frequently than approvals. It seems God has paused our plans on-and-off over the years — and even completely demolished them when we were denied visas to the country we planned to minister in for the rest of our lives.

Even in the day-to-day, things happen that put a hold on my plans. In the last several months, I’ve had one minor health problem after another that required many visits to the hospital and a surgery. But even more annoying than that, it required a lot of waiting. My plans and desires were put on hold while I had to sort out these mild but persisting medical issues.

It’s frustrating and brings out the worst in me — impatience, anger, and the like. Waiting isn’t something many people do well, and unfortunately, I am no exception. He’s still working on me, building my faith and showing me truly where my hope belongs. The waiting is where I find Him leading me into a deeper intimacy with Him. I want to honor this gracious gift He gives me by waiting well.

Two Ways I can Wait Well
  • I can wait well by training my eyes to look upward by worshiping Christ and dwelling on His goodness. God can use the seemingly stagnant times of my life to cause me to fall more even love with Him. I can know Him more and worship Him for everything about Him. Everything I know about Him tells me He won’t keep me waiting forever, and as long as I wait He will be with me.
  • I can wait well by training my eyes to look outward as I seek opportunities to minister to others. In the waiting, it is easy to sulk in self-pity or self-indulgence as I feel sorry for myself. However, God can use the pain of waiting to soften my heart to others if I allow Him. I can be more sensitive to the needs of others and apply myself to meeting them in any way I am able — even in the waiting.

I can honor the Lord in my times of waiting. The camp may take 5 more years and I may spend countless hours in our local hospital, but by His grace, I can wait well.

I “make” God big in my life when I honor Him by looking upward and outward in times of waiting.

Has God brought you into a season of waiting?

Talk to me in the comment section below!

 

 

Changing the Way I Petition God [Day 14: ASK]

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I had a big burden on my heart and a corresponding prayer request. I had talked with God about this specific need over the course of a few years with no clear answer. I fought discouragement over not receiving this answer for the Lord, but I kept asking in faith that He would give me what I wanted. But then I realized something — my faith was misplaced.

My faith was that the Lord’s will would align with my desires, but this is not what the Bible teaches. John 15:7 says, “If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you.” That sure sounds wonderful doesn’t it? We can have whatever we ask! But what we fail to notice is there’s a condition with that promise.

If I want my prayers to be heard and answered by God, I must be spending time with Him growing in my love and knowledge of Him. Something interesting happens when I commit myself to this — my desires and requests begin to align with His will. As my desires more closely mirror His, I am basically asking in faith that He will do what He already wants to do!

When my desires mirror Christ’s, I am basically asking Him to do what He already wants to do!

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Photo by Kelly Rockhold Photography

I surrendered that need to God. Instead of asking for the natural desires that looked like that of any other worldly gal’s, I asked Him to work in my life. I asked Him to change me and all my desires. I said God, “You know I want this thing, but I am trusting You to do your will. Give me the strength I need to accept your answer. I pray above all that your name will be lifted high.”

For the first time regarding this situation, I was in a state of total peace. I remain here, still asking. Still trusting. Hoping each day I get closer to asking for His will instead of what I want.

What desire do you need to surrender to God as you commit yourself to knowing Him?

Talk to me in the comment section below!

Behind Closed Doors [Day 11: DOOR]

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I shared yesterday about my identity crisis of sorts which occurred after my son began to attend pre-school. I suddenly found myself with time on my hands — which we know for a mom of young children is a strange feeling! While I’ve always preferred to be out and about or spending time with people, I found that a lot of my time was spent alone. I do have a sweet lady that comes to help me complete the never ending task of cleaning a home in a dusty country, but other than encounters with her and neighbors on my morning and afternoon walks, I had little interaction. More dangerously, I had little accountability.

No one knew how I was spending my day. No one would know what is happening behind closed doors. Thankfully, I had managed to cultivate my devotional and housework habits while my little ones were still home all day. I just found I got them done a lot faster now! I did love to linger in my Bible reading and sip my coffee in peace. But what would I do with the two or three remaining hours before I would go get my son?

Photo by Martin Adams on Unsplash
A new “to-do”

I created a new sort of to-do list to keep my thoughts and plans ordered. It only listed these things: read, write, rest, create, connect, care. I plan to do another post on exactly what each of these entails, but it kept me mainly focused on being in the word and keeping busy while also making time to take care of my body and practice hospitality. Otherwise, I know I would have had a daily date with Netflix. We actually canceled our subscription months ago. Each thing didn’t get accomplished every day, but my list kept me on task until my house filled up again in the afternoon. It also kept me available for my husband and children should they need me during the day. I wasn’t nailed down to some big plan every day, just a few little things that could be squeezed in here or there or rolled into the next day’s list if necessary.

Daily questions

Aside from the to-do list, there are questions I need to ask myself about what happens behind closed doors:

  • Is who I am in private who I am in public? Or what I would want people to perceive me to be?
  • Am I spending my time in idleness (looking at you, Instagram) or in a way that honors Christ?
  • Would I be comfortable with someone I am discipling seeing who I am behind closed doors — or looking at my internet history or mirroring my TV screen?
  • Does my alone time indulge my desires or lift up the needs of others?

As I ask myself these questions I keep Scriptures like this one in mind,

Therefore judge nothing before the time, until the Lord come, who both will bring to light the hidden things of darkness, and will make manifest the counsels of the hearts: and then shall every man have praise of God.

1 Corinthians 4:5

Time to grow

No one will probably praise me for staying home a few days of the week, but I know this is my training ground. I shared with you that my prayer is for my schedule to fill up with opportunities for discipleship and ministry. This does not mean that I should wander through this time aimlessly, but rather spend it intentionally. I should be seeking God and growing in my knowledge of Him. As I grow in the Word, I grow in my ability to lead others. I know the Lord will use this time in my life for the rest of my life and ministry.

I want even my empty hours to honor Jesus.

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For now, I want even my empty hours to honor Jesus.

I “make” God big in my life when I seek to honor Him in all the time He gives me — including my much longed for personal time.  

How can you honor Christ behind closed doors?

Talk to me in the comment section below!

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