Category: Pregnancy Loss

My dad wrote me a poem called Still Yet Songs to Sing when we lost our second child, Ezra Coleman to miscarriage late in my pregnancy in 2013. It was such a sweet gesture and encouragement to me. It showed a father’s heart moved with grief for daughter’s pain, and I know it mirrored my heavenly Father’s heart in that way.

I was so broken at that time, completely wrecked with this great loss. I hadn’t asked for a second child, yet God granted me the precious gift of life far earlier than we would have planned. We welcomed the gift and spent those 5 months planning and dreaming for our little one. It was a dark year as we reeled from the sudden tragedy, and during that year, we had to continue traveling around the US raising support for our future ministry. I sobbed in many a church bathroom and pasted a smile on when someone asked how many children I had and I replied that I only had one. A few times, a well-meaning soul would say, “She needs a little brother!” And I would think, “She had one, ” or “We tried to give her one.”

There really were still yet songs to sing. There were still ways we were gonna get up and work for the Lord just how we dreamed we would, but we had to walk through that dark valley first. What’s funny about these types of thorns in the flesh is that they can be so healing if we are submissive to the Father’s hand at work to bring restoration. I could barely stand up on my own two feet so I had no other choice than to lean on Christ. That time of immense pain shaped me into the wife, mom, and lady in ministry that I am today. At the time I think I said I was grateful, but I wasn’t quite feeling it yet. I’m feeling it now.

Sometimes God allows great pain to enter into our lives. Knowing that death and loss were not a part of His perfect plan from the beginning, we know He does not delight in doing this. However, because of His display of love on the Cross and His daily graces in our lives, we can trust He will work all things — even the hardest things — for our good when we come out on the other side.

And we will… come out on the other side. Even though it feels like we’ll never make it there. We will come out grateful. We will come out singing, praising God for all He has done. Broken but healing hearts crying out, “The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.”

I’m singing now and, by His grace, I am serving Him on the other side of the world. We have two precious children now and are perfectly content with the life we have been given. But we will never forget that little boy we held for just a few moments. His memory will forever impact the songs I sing and the way I fall into the Father’s arms — because Ezra taught me how.

I “make” God big in my life when I accept hurt from His hand and trust Him to heal me. Knowing He will give me songs to sing, I can walk first through the dark valley as He guides me to the other side.

What trials has God brought you out of to sing His praise?

Talk to me in the comment section below!