My Husband Doesn’t Know Me

Day 10, Five Minute Prompt: UNKNOWN

“You don’t even know me!” I screamed at the end of my rope and the top of my lungs.

These vicious words leapt out like an uncaged beast and I immediately wanted to shove them back into their insecure source. But they were already out and wreaking their destruction.

I could see that he was already wounded. There’s so much pain in being unknown and so much grief in expressing it.

We spent every day together studying language We lived in a a fairytale dream world where we went on a date every day. But there was so much I wasn’t telling him, so much I couldn’t express. Earthquakes, essential good shortages, general loneliness, and other calamities had taken a toll on my spirit.

I wanted him to know all this somehow, but I soon realized this was an unreasonable request. Though he knows me better than anyone else, he really doesn’t know me at all.

Not in comparison to the One who knows the numbers of hairs on my head and the number of breaths I have left in my body. I am completely known and completely loved. Nothing inside of my heart scares or surprises the Deity that dwells in that space.

He gave me this man to kind-of know me.

While we should study each other in efforts of knowing, we can rest because we are already known completely. This truth empowers us to serve one another without calculating how much effort is put forth on the other side and reciprocating accordingly.
Living the Golden Rule, I recognize my desire to be known and so seek to know and serve my husband according to his needs.

I’ve heard a marriage can’t be built on secrets, and certainly I strive to maintain an open and honest relationship with my husband. However, I realize his limitations to know and understand me on the deepest levels. We won’t be setting up house on such a shaky foundation.

Feelings are fleeting. Happiness ebbs and flows. But the God that established our foundation is firm and unmoving. We can build our marriage upon it with confidence it will withstand the storms we will weather together.

All because two people are known and loved by a good Father.

Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock. And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it (Matthew 7:24-27)

Is your marriage foundation set upon the Rock?
How does being known by God empower you in marriage?

Talk to me in the comment section!





  1. Good thoughts, Amber.

    There’s another aspect, in that knowing changes with circumstance. As my illness has gotten worse, my wife really doesn’t know me any more. She has a life that is engaged with the world, and mine is a daily fight for self-respect, self-worth, and survival. She can’t see my paradigms, and it’s wise of her not to try.

    It’s NOT a “well, I’m going to die so who cares” feeling. I’m fighting to live, but there’s no way I can convey what’s on my soul or heart to her. The common language isn’t there.

    • I can’t imagine how difficult that must be, Andrew. “The common language isn’t there…” is such a heartbreakingly beautiful way of putting it. Sometimes it just isn’t. Especially in these tragic circumstances.

      We lost a baby a few years ago, and I remember struggling to communicate how that felt as the mother who carried him. Even though my husband also lost his son, the feelings of guilt and shame over my body’s inability to sustain the pregnancy were real and intense, but I just couldn’t frame them in the way that was truthful about what was going on and made any sort of logical sense. Because they just didn’t. We weren’t made to process such grief. God is gracious, certainly, but living in a world broken by sin has its drawbacks.

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  3. Powerful and Honest… yes, sometimes in our miscommunication or in our keeping things to ourselves to ponder and work through (hello, internal processor!) we can feel unknown and misunderstood! Thank goodness, that is never completely true because the God who formed us knows us better than we know ourselves and you are right… if He is our firm foundation, our marriages will thrive! So good!

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